Best Be On Crack
by lyricist
Summary: There is a birthday party with twist and turns and suprises and such. OC usage. Catioun foul language and some CRACK SITUATIONS.


Here we are! Cookie here! This story was written a **loooooooong** time ago in the summer by Me and my Sister Nicholla. Its a bit... bad and explicit. It's not that bad. The language usage is just a bit, and there's not much a "sexual scene." Just sorta mention of crack-rape. OC usuage is Akara, Nami (my version A/first version of Keionami), and Masagi. It's funny and all inside joke-ish. If you get it... hooray for you!

**Disclaimer : **I do not own Naruto.

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**Best Be On Crack  
**by Cookie and Neko

Nami ran outside to a brisk autum day. She'd expect Akara to come around soon. Aka was just turning around the corner when she saw a vibrant black-haired girl tossing leaves up in the air.

Nami waved to Aka, yelloing, "You're late!! I'm meeting Shikamaru soon!"

"Oh... is that so?" Aka ran to Nami and gently tackled her onto the ground. They both instantly fell and started to laugh out loud.

"Hey, You two," A voice came from above. The sun over him made Nami squint.

"Hey, Handsome!"

"Eh, hi there!" Aka blocked the sun's rays by putting her hand above her eyes, and looked up.

"What are you two up to?" He stared at akara for a moment, and gazed his eyes at Nami.

"Oh nothing, just playing around..."

"Hey," Nami said geting up, and kissing the boy, "SHikamaru, Let's go somewhere fun!"

"But..." Aka gasped as she turned to look away. "I though WE were going to have fun today. If you remembered, I had OHSHC tickets for Behind-The-Show." She thought to herself.

Nami gave her Oh-Shit-I-Forgot look. "N-nani?? Oh yeah..." Her mind also

screamed that it was Her and Shikamaru's anniversary.

Aka shook her head for a moment. "It's okay, go on. I'll... I'll... just go hang out with teme-kun."

"Hey, No way! I promised you, and I'll keep that promised!" She replied, grabbing Akara's wrist.

"No! Just go, I'll be fine." She loosened her wrist from Nami's grip and began to run.

Nami gave an Oh-Shit-I'm-Ruined face. Nami has many faces. "Ahhh-Kahhhh-Raaahhhh!"

When she heard Nami's voice from the distance, she began to build her momentum. Her tears began strolling down her rosy-red cheeks. Nami pointed at her finger and stomp toward Akara's position, but before anything, Nami stopped and called out, "Neji-kuuun!!"

Aka stopped the second she heard Neji's name. "N-Neji?"

"Neji-kuun!" Nami called again, and Neji came to her, "Something wrong...?"

She turned to face her two friends and just stood motionless. her long hair tied at the back swayed as the wind pressed against it.

"Yes, I need you to..." Nami leaned in and slightly placed her lips on his ear, whispering into his ear. "This is important how?" Neji replied, blushing."Just do it, I'll be happy if you would."

Aka's eyes buldged out like one of those cartoon character's eyes when they saw a hot girl. "Nani?"

Nami waved to Neji like a popular gil and walked off. "Hn, let's see if Neji does what I tell him too..." She said out loud.

"That... AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Aka's temper boiled inside. She wanted to rip off Neji's beautifully long hair. It was just TOO pretty to handle!

"Hey? Everything okay, Akara-chan?" Oh shit! He called her -chan instead of Nee-chan!

"Get away from me..." Aka demanded.

"Why?" Neji said, grabbing her wrist and helping her up.

She smacked his hand away. "Leave me alone..." Aka's tears fell again; she ran to her favorite spot in all of Konoha.

Neji narrowed his eyes at her. "You know," He said following her, "There's something wrong with you."

"This is not the first time anyone's noticed."

"Really? Am I the first to notice that your being a little off today...?"

"Off? I'm not off! How could you possibly think I'm off?! I'm just... WEiRD..." Aka stammered.

"Yeah, you're definatley off..." Neji muttered under his breath. Though she adored him very much of his genius, yet quiet, stubborn personality, she began to get irritated.

"What did you say?!"

"Poor girl," He said, grabbing her wrist. He began taking her somewhere. "_Once you get the Okay Neji, and don't do anything besides what I tell you!!"_ Nami's words echoed.

"Poor! Boy you better watch yourself or I'll get Masagi on you!" She kept pounding on Neji's sturdy grip, but nothing worked. He was just too strong.

"Masagi, huh?" Neji thought.

"You teme! Let me goooooooo!" Aka bit down on his arm.

"Nami's orders were quite sharp..." He said throwing her down on the porch of a building.

"Go inside," Neji ordered

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"

Neji bent down and placed his hand on her head, "Akara, do as I say."

"You're not the boss of me mister!" she pouted.

Then Neji heard a lard sharp sound. That was the okay.Neji stared at Akara, "Start."

She raised her eyebrow as in utter confusion to what other teme-kun meant.

"Say what now?!"

"Start running, Pheonix."

"H-How did you know?" She loosened up a bit and asked him sincerely. No one besides her four best friends knew of her secret.

"I am your Niisan. you think I wouldn't know? I can see right through you." And with a _poof_ Neji disappeared.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" She boasted, then he was gone.

"Start running!" Nami called out, "You're not far from us!"

Signs were well placed, saying, Turn here, and Turn there. Akara carefully followed them.

"Jeez. This better not be a trap, or else I'll have to pull out two sets of black hair."

There was an arrow, pointing to enter the door.

"Hmmm... What is this?" She sighed then pushed on the door. It was dark, not a single object could be seen.

She flicked the lights on, and still arrows pointed to a door that seemed to say "Music Room Three" On it.

"Eh...? I hope I get to see Neji in his spandex!" Aka giggled to herself.

So she opened the door and there every one was. "Welcome!" Like it was a grand entrence to an episode of Ouran High School host Club.

"AAAAAAAH!" She shrieked. "TAMAKi-KUN?!"

"And, Happy Birthday!" Nami said, pushing out a big giant cake.

"Y-You remembered, bestfriend baka-chan?!"

Nami gave her a "Thank-you-yeah-I-Did-blah- Look, "Yup, Why do you think I had Neji acted like he cared for you??"

"WHY you little!" She held a fist and punched Nami right on her nose.

"Ugh!" Nami gave her other Damn-you-Little-Kid look. Nami grabbed a peice of cake and shoved it in her face, "Happy birthday, Sister-chan!"

Aka gasped. She, too, took a piece of cake and forced it down Nami's wind pipe. She then scanned the room for Neji.

"That TEME! I'm really going to rip out his hair this time!"

"He's not here."

Nami stated.

"Masagi wanted him for the day's end. I promised him that."

"Riiiiiiiight... Pshhh. Like I would believe you!"

"Believe what you want, " She said, putting her hands behind her head and whistled, "Behind a romantic scene, is always a lover, ready to strike." Nami said, giving Akara as a hint to where he was.

"Eh...?" Aka, of course, was just too stupid to figure out any of Nami's clues. "So bothersome..." Aka rolled her eyes and tapped her foot. She breathed deeply.

"All I wanted today was a just a teeny weeny little itty bitty kiss from him!" She whispered angrily to herself.

"But that'll never happen. He just doesn't seem to be appealed to me, especially for what happened today. Oh well..."

"What's wrong..." A voice from behind called to her.

"..." She froze in an instant. Her body stiffened and a swift chill creeped down her spine.

"Akara."

"What now?!" she groaned.

"Happy birthday," Neji said kissing her on the cheek. And here comes Nami screaming "Kawaii!!" And hugging Shikamaru. Aka's chibi form flapped her phoenix wings and floated until she reached "Cloud Nine." It was pure heaven... "Arigato, Neji-kun..."

Then it was Masagi's gift time.

"But apparently, I still have to pull out your hair..."

"DIEE AKARA!! DIEE!!"

"What the fuck is SHE doing here?!"

"DIEE!!"

"Jeezuz! Just when it was getting to the good part!" She inhaled, then exhaled out her anger. "What a way to ruin the perfect moment NESAGi!" She blurted out laughing.

"Kawaii!" Nami said, annoyingly, kissing Shikamaru on the cheek, "It 's a good thing I don't have to share you!!"

Masagi and Akara ran around the room chasing each other. They pushed through everyone and knocked off any possible object in their way.

"Hn." Neji sighed.

Nami walked up and put her hand on his cheek, "poor you."

Aka saw what Nami had done and became outraged. She gave up on MAsagi and scurried over to Nami with a piece of cake in her hand.

"No way!" She said ducking, and cake ended up in Neji's face.

"NEJi! I am so sorry!" she apolgized sincerely. "Come here, let me lick it off..." She started licking the cake off his face... eventually licking a lil something more than the cake.

"Whore!" Masagi said pulling Akara's head down, "Poor Neji-kun, Having people lick your face." Masagi gave an evil face to Akara, and Hugged Neji, "Atleast me and Neji-kun do more!"

"Oh yeah! Well... WEll I..." She didn't want to confess a certain secret she was insecure of.

Nami grabbed Shikamaru's hand, "Well we're off, we have got reservations to dinner!"

"Now I'm all alone... Again..."

"No, Akara, You have Neji, and Masagi! who is both wanting to kill you!" Nami laughed on her wayout, dragging Shikamaru.

"Eh... That makes me fell A LOT better." she sighed.

"Hand over Neji or the doll gets it!" Aka put on a bank robber-kind-of voice.

"What doll?" Masagi asked.

"The voodoo doll of YOU!"

"Oh Shit!"

"EXACALLY!"

"So hand over Neji now!"

"Make me!!"

Aka then takes out her doll and her many weapons used to torment the doll.

She also took out her Jiraiya doll...

"I don't like where this is going!!" She said giving Neji a kiss.

"Oh now you did it!" Aka cast a spell on the jiraiya doll and Jiraiya poofed into the room. She then started banging the two dolls against each other...NAKED! "Thats what you get for kissing my cousin... which sounds really wrong in so many ways...!"

Then a knock on the door. "Aka? Masagi? Neji?"

Aka didn't bother paying attention to the knock on the door. So she grabbed Neji by his collar and pressed his body against hers. She then gently placed her lips on his...

"Your caught Akara," Shikamaru called to Akara whom was possessed by Shikamaru's Jutsu, "Thats it for tofday, go to sleep."

"Booof shrup kadoof swoo tshwoop kooshfa mmmmmm..."

"Fffffff-oooooo-mmmmmm..."

Masagi was still being banged by Jiraiya in the background.

Nami shriveled, "I don't want to know..." And then she beckon Shikamaru to

follow her, "Can we go home now?"

"Mmmmmmm..." Aka kept making weird sounds, trying to tell shikamaru she couldn't talk because she was still kissing neji because she was still effected by shikamaru's shadow possession jutsu.

"Yeah... I'm tired and your not keeping up with that Chastity crap, are you?" Shikamaru called at Nami.

"Maybe," She said walking away and flirting with him, "C'mon, this is lame."

"Oooooooooof! Ooooooooooooof!" Aka tried making it obvious, but she did very much enjoy that smooch with her COUSiN, NEJi!

"Wait, Why Is Akara making noise like that?" Shikamaru called. "I'm in a good mood, and you're so going to ruin it."

"Oooooooooof! Mmmmmm...!" Aka said in a high-pitched shriek.

"Mmmm..." Neji said.

Masagi was being RAPEd and TORTUREd by Jiraiya in the background.

Nami sighed and walked to the door, lazily and moaning. She pryed open the door to reveal the shadow. She pointed at Shikamaru, "Letgo of the shadow!"

"Oh! Whoops." Shikamaru scratched his head. "This is too troublesome, let's go..."Aka fell to the ground, gasping for air, so was Neji.

Masagi was still being raped and tortured by Jiraiya in the background.

Nami realesed the voodoo jutsu, for Masagi.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! DAMNIT! EWWWWWW!" Masagi yelped as she began spitting in the air.

"I want to go home now!" Nami stomped at Shikamaru.

"Okay, okay! I'm coming..." Shikamaru took Nami by the hand and gestured for them to walk out.Neji and Aka finally stopped panting and were helping themselves up. They grew bashful and didn't face each other, but left for the Hyuuga house. Aka lived with her relatives for the mean time. SCORE!Jiraiya was chasing Masagi with his horny face on.

What a bothersome day .

To Nami and Akara, It was worth it in the end.

For Masagi? Well thats another story...

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**The End**

You must know I'm terribly sorry for Masagi... Okay, so... you dont have to review or anything... if you want a poisoned cookie! >:D So that's it. No sequal because i dont work with Neko anymore... she's not interested in writing about Naruto... so yeah... I'll work alone or with Raine-chan.

**Cookie**


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